My God Speaks Moments
1997 (Moving)
I moved to Kansas in September 1997 when I was 16 years old. I was sad, frustrated, and scared of the move. I had lived in Oklahoma pretty much my whole life up until this point, and in the same house since I was 2. I felt I was also plugged in with my school. I was a cheerleader (though I quit my sophomore year), and I was also taking honors classes and working a job I enjoyed. For my junior year, I had already signed up to help my friend track wrestling scores during matches and to begin Vo Tech classes. I knew my dad was looking for another job and applying in other states, but I never thought we would actually move. Both sets of my grandparents also lived in Oklahoma, so I just couldn’t see my parents actually leaving. It was fun talking about moving when I didn’t think they actually would. When my dad got the job offer in August, it was no time at all before we moved. I barely had time to say goodbye to my friends and leave on two weeks' notice at work. When we moved, we didn’t even have a place to live yet. The focus had just been on getting my dad up to KC as fast as we could, so he could begin his new job. We had to stay at an extended-stay hotel for a while, and every evening after my dad got off work, we would drive around looking at houses. Since we were unsure which city we would be living in and where we would actually be going, we were unable to start school. It was about the middle of September when my parents finally found a place and got us enrolled, so we were about a month late into the school year. 2 years at one high school and almost 2 years at another made me feel like I didn’t belong anywhere, which only added to the sad, scared, and frustrated feeling. I left behind everything I knew. I felt like I didn’t belong where we lived; however, I now also felt like I didn’t belong when we went back home to visit. I know this was my dramatic teenage heart, but this is what I was feeling at the time.
Along with this, my parents were also going through a really bad time, as this was just a few years before their divorce. I think that is what really sparked the move, as they thought that if they started fresh somewhere else, things would get better. It did not. At this time, I just felt like nothing in the world could ever make me happy again, and I really just wanted to die. I begged and begged for God to take me almost every night for the first several months of living in Kansas, and then one night, He showed up in my dream.
I think this was sometime around early December of 1997. It was before Christmas break. In my dream, I was walking toward our duplex, the first place we lived in Kansas. I was walking with my brother and sister, who were on either side of me, and we were all talking as we headed to the back door of our duplex. Suddenly, I fell into a hole. The hole was deep enough for my legs to fall into, but not deep enough to be stuck; however, I was stuck. I didn't understand why I couldn’t move, because I didn't feel like I was hurt, and I should have been able to just climb out of the hole and continue walking, but I couldn't move. My legs were paralyzed. I watched my brother and sister just continue walking and talking, and they were not fazed at all that I was missing. I was trying to holler for them to wait and help me, but they couldn't hear me or were ignoring me. Then I heard a man's voice behind me ask, "Is this what you really want?" I didn’t see anyone behind me, but I understood exactly what he meant as soon as he said it. He asked again, "Is this what you really want?" I knew he was asking if I really wanted out of this life. He was letting me know that life would go on, and I would be leaving my brother and sister to be by themselves. I have always been there for them, caring for them, and my leaving would leave them alone. They would have to continue on their own, dealing with life and our parents on their own. I started crying and hollering, "No God, that is not what I want! I do not want that, God!" And just as I said that, I woke up.
I wish I could say I was instantly cured, but when I woke up, I did feel like a huge weight was lifted off me. I felt I could breathe again as my chest didn't feel so heavy anymore, as it had for months, and the continuous feeling like I was going to vomit seemed to have subsided. I’m not sure what would have happened if I had said something else. I kind of don’t believe God would have just said okay and taken me had I said so. He probably would have just told me to stop being selfish.
I still felt sad for a while after this, but everything didn’t feel so dark anymore, and I felt like I could start finding joy in some things again. I realized I just had to keep moving forward, not just for me but for my siblings. Looking back, I can see that God has brought tremendous blessings from this move. It was a hard transition, but I’m very thankful for it now.
Fall 2002 (Spouse)
My family had just moved back to Gardner, and we were living in the trailer park. I think my brother had moved out by this time, so it was just my sister and me living at home with our parents. At this time, my parents were on the verge of divorce, which was stressful, but I was working at Walk-In (an urgent care center) and taking classes at our local community college. I was dating my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time), and I had just left his house this particular evening, heading back home to my family’s trailer in Gardner. I had the radio going and was singing like I normally do, not really thinking about anything, or trying not to. (With what my parents were going through, it was always stressful going back home, as you never knew what you were coming home to.) I was southbound on I-35 and just about the weigh station, out of the blue, in my head, I heard the words, "That's who you will marry." It caught me off guard, and I asked out loud, "What?" Why would I even think that? I wasn't really thinking about anything at that moment other than the words to the song I was singing, which I think was something like 90s alternative/rock. Also, at that moment in my life, I didn't even know if I wanted to get married after watching what my parents were going through. I then had this comforting, peaceful feeling come over me, and I felt God was letting me know everything was going to be okay. I didn’t tell my then-boyfriend this because I felt that would have been weird, but I just knew in my heart that he was the one I would marry. My husband actually didn’t hear about this story until several years into our marriage, mainly because I forgot about it until I started trying to document my “God Speaks” moments. My husband proposed to me in June of 2003, and we married on January 2, 2004. God has really blessed me!
2007 (Thump on the head)
I had just read an awful story about how two very young boys kidnapped and killed a toddler boy. I wanted to vomit after reading the story, and I couldn't help but think about that toddler boy, his mom, those boys' moms, and how these two boys ruined their lives also at a very young age. I couldn't shake the overwhelming sadness and sickness I had after reading that story. I spent several days (I think it was a couple of weeks) stressing and feeling this heavy, sickening feeling from this story. I just couldn't get over it. One day, I was out in the front yard with my son playing, and I was still feeling the heaviness from this story. My son asked for a drink, so we started heading inside to get one. I had just grabbed the front door handle when I felt something hit me on the back of the head (I'm not sure what it was, a bug? an acorn? a large finger thump or smack in the back of the head? I don't know.) Then I heard an audible voice say, "Knock it off!" I paused. What….? I even turned around as I thought someone was behind me. I heard the voice again say, "Knock it off!" Then, instantly in my spirit, I felt God say that He was with that toddler boy both during and after. He protected that boy, and that He (God) is with the other boys. He said that my fretting and stressing over the situation is going to let the devil win. He said that is what the devil wants, and that's how he wants us to feel. God said He has it (the situation), and to let Him handle it. I have to give it over to Him so He can have victory over the situation and not give the devil a foothold. So okay, we went inside, I got my son a drink, and then dropped to my knees and gave my son a huge hug. I just started praying, apologizing to God for my actions and for not trusting in Him, and thanking him for all my blessings and for Him always being there for us and everyone. I prayed for all the families involved, and I was finally able to let go of the stress I had about this story. I knew God was working with it and through it, and that He can bring good out of horrible situations if we let Him.
2011 (Would you?)
The kids were about ages 5 and 3, and I was working from home for a remote medical coding company at this time. On this day, I was working at the kitchen table while the kids were playing. The radio in the kitchen was playing K-Love, and I was listening to the kids playing and singing some to the songs that came on while I was coding charts. I was more focused on my work and making sure the kids were behaving when the song "This Man" by Jeremy Camp came on. I had heard this song a ton of times before. I was just working away, reading charts, listening to kids, and kind of singing along to the music when I had this question out of nowhere pop into my head. The question was, "Would you?" I looked up and paused, because why would I think of that? Would I what? I wasn't even really listening to the song that was playing, and I had to stop to understand the song that was playing on the radio that I was kind of singing to. I was just singing more as a reflex, as I’ve heard it so many times before. So, I thought about the song and that random question and all Jesus had to endure and what I saw in the movie The Passion of the Christ, and all of the people in the world who steal, hurt, and murder, and I just thought in my head, "No, I don't think I'm there God. I’m not like you. I don't think I love everyone in the world enough to do that for them." I was just being honest at that moment. The next question that instantly popped into my head was "Would you for YOUR children?" Without hesitation, I instantly answered, "Yes, God. I believe in you that much, and I believe in Heaven, and I want my children to go to Heaven, and if that was the only way I knew they could get to Heaven, of course. I would do that for my children." The next question that I heard in my head was, "What if you went through all of that for YOUR children to go to Heaven, and then they chose a different path? What if they chose not to believe, and they wanted nothing to do with Heaven?" Right as that question popped into my head, I had this overwhelming crushing heaviness and sadness come over me. It was so intense. Is that how God feels about the world? I can only imagine that what I felt was just a tiny fraction of how God feels when someone denies him. I started praying, asking God for forgiveness for my sins and for our world's sins. I prayed, asking him what that meant. Why did he ask me those questions? What was I supposed to do with them? I never got an answer. I'm still not sure what all of it meant or why, but it definitely gave me a different outlook on this world and how intensely God loves ALL of his children, no matter what they have done.
2012 (House)
A while before this, I had seen a pin on Pinterest that said, "Fair is not about everyone getting the same amount. It's about getting what you need in order to succeed." I felt this would be a good saying to teach my kids, so I saved the pin.
Now, we had thought about putting our house up for sale for a while before this time. We had done research, had a realtor come over to look at our house, and were told what we might be able to list it for. We had done a lot of looking around, but weren’t sure about the timing and finding the right place. It just never seemed to work or feel right.
Several months later, my brother and sister-in-law were coming into some inheritance and started looking for a house. They bought a really nice house in Gardner, and I was happy for them. I really was; however, I was also feeling some jealousy. We also wanted a new house and had been looking at getting one, but for some reason, it just never worked out. Why couldn't we make it work? Why did it never feel right? We are good people who work really hard. Why couldn't we get a new house, too? I was taking a shower one morning, and I had all these questions going through my head. I was feeling jealous and sorry for myself that we couldn't get a nice new house, also. Then, out of nowhere, that saying popped into my head, "Fair is not about everyone getting the same amount. It's about getting what you need in order to succeed." God has a way of bringing you to your knees. That was a saying I needed for myself. I realized how pathetic I sounded, feeling sorry for myself. God will provide everything we need. I started praying, asking God for forgiveness for being so selfish and pathetic. I am so blessed! He has given me way more than I deserve, and I'm sorry I didn't see that. I was focusing on what I don't have rather than everything I do have. I am very thankful to Him for everything He has blessed me with.
Dec 2012 (School)
First, let me start by saying that I already hated the idea of putting my children in public schools, even before they started school. We had considered all kinds of other options and prayed for God to lead us in the right direction on what was best for our children. I had dreamed of homeschooling my children even before I was married, and I had done some research and reading on homeschooling when the kids were little, and that is something I wanted to consider, but I was let known by everyone around that was not encouraged. Everyone seemed against it and let me know they thought it was not a good idea in one way or another, and that they thought it would not lead to the best outcome for the kids. This never made me feel good, but all I wanted was the best for my children, and if everyone was against it, I guess I was the one in the wrong, so... I put them in public school.
Now our son had already given us the sense that he was a missionary everywhere he went, and we knew right off that he was already showing God's love to children at his school. In Kindergarten, he prayed for bullies or kids who were mean to him or others, and then he said they became nice, and they ended up being friends. He will also help anyone who needs help. I had the feeling that God needed him to be where he was, and that God was using him. He was being a missionary at his school.
When the Sandy Hook school shooting happened in December 2012 (just a couple of days before Christmas break), our son was 6 and in first grade and our daughter was 4 and was in her second year of preschool. That story hit me so hard (as it did everyone in the world). However, after I heard about it, I was done with public school. I was done, and I was not sending my son back to public elementary school. I was homeschooling. That was final. In my head, my mind was made up, and I would be homeschooling after Christmas break. I had too. There was no way I could send him back to school. How could I? No one would protect him as I would. However, I knew that would not be looked on well upon with our families. I knew others would not support that decision. So, I either stand my ground that I'm homeschooling, or I break inside, fight back everything inside of me and do what everyone else wants me to do. What should I do?
One evening, after I had put the kids to bed, I was laying on the couch waiting for them to go to sleep. (If I went to bed, and the kids were not asleep yet, they would come into our bedroom to get me and wake my husband up, so I would usually just lay on the couch until the kids were asleep before I went to bed.) It was during Christmas break, and I was laying on the couch praying. I was asking God for guidance on what to do with my children. "What do I do? What is best for my kids? They are your children, God. Please help me make this decision. Please tell me what I am supposed to do with your children." The house was super quiet, and I was laying there praying in my head, and then I heard this voice. It was a man's voice, and it said,"It's not that hard." It scared me because it sounded like someone was right there in my living room with me, standing right by our Christmas tree. I looked up and no one was there. I then said out loud, "What’s not that hard? Yes, this is hard. I can't do this. I don't know what is best for my children, and I don’t know what you want me to do. Just then I realized I was arguing with God, and I got on my knees praying for forgiveness and for God to come back and speak to me. I didn't hear anything else that night.
That weekend, we were at church singing during worship, and we started singing a song about trusting God. I don't remember the song off hand, but God spoke to me. I felt like He told me, He gave me my children to raise and protect the best I could, but that they ARE HIS children, and He has plans for them, and I have to trust His plans for them. I can only do so much to protect them, but I have to let go and let them be in this world. I have to let Him lead them and protect them so they can do His works. The tears started falling, and I had to leave worship to go to the restroom to get some Kleenex. I cried in the bathroom for a little while, but I knew exactly what that meant, and I felt at peace with the decision. Not that I still don't cry sometimes with worry when taking my kids go to school, and I definitely cried a lot that January, but I pray almost every day (I would say every day, but there are days that I let busyness get the best of me.) that God will protect them and use them for what He has planned for them.
2012 and 2016 (Elections)
This is not really a God's voice moment, but I feel this was God speaking through sayings or songs. Otherwise, I'm not sure why these were stuck in my head as much as they were.
During the 2012 election, I had the saying, "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." play through my head over and over throughout the whole election, and I could not get it to stop. I think because all we heard about was the free stuff the democrats were either promising and/or giving. I'm not sure what that meant for me, but I feel that is true of how God thinks about his children. Whoever owns your paycheck owns you, and He wants people to be able to grow and stand on their own and not be servants to the government, as the government just wants to push God out of everything.
During the 2016 election, I really felt our country was so far lost, and I was really worried about my children’s future. I wasn't sure how we would ever come back from how our country had been run the last almost decade. I had heard the song "Mended" by Matthew West several times before, but one day when it came on the radio, it just really stood out to me. I had just dropped the kids off at school, and when it came on the radio, I felt like every word of the song stood out and hit me, and I felt like this song really pertained to how I was feeling about our country. When we see broken beyond repair, he sees healing beyond belief. When we see too far gone, he sees one step away from home. I felt like God was reminding me that nothing is impossible for Him. He can move mountains, and He can still fix our country no matter how far lost it is. He is not finished with us yet. This gave me comfort and helped me not feel so scared about my children's future. I felt like God was letting me know Donald Trump was going to win this election, and I felt peace with that. God was going to heal our land.
2015 (Lice)
First, I will start out by saying my daughter's hair is her kryptonite. She completely shuts down if someone touches her hair. I think she could smash through a wall with her head and not be fazed much, but the hair on her head is so tender that if you touched just a strand, she shuts down. Just to get her to brush her hair is a fight every morning, and washing it is a huge chore as she would scream every time. I'm pretty sure the neighbors can hear her scream when I'm either washing or brushing her hair. One of my biggest fears was my children getting lice. I remembered getting it from gymnastics when I was a little girl, and I remembered the very fine tooth comb my mom had to use on our hair. I remembered how it would pull and hurt trying to get it through our hair, and I never had thick hair. I also remembered how she had to clean everything in the house and pack a lot of our stuff that couldn't be washed in plastic bags to kill the lice. I already felt like a worn-out working mom. Working and keeping up with two children and a home is very exhausting. How would I ever be able to defeat lice should I have to? That just seemed almost impossible to me, so I took all the precautions I could think of when my children were little to prevent them from getting lice. I had the spray that supposedly helped prevent lice, and I would use that spray on my kids whenever they went somewhere where a lot of children were. I would even use that spray occasionally in my car or on other items to ensure there were none that accidentally got brought along from somewhere else. I was scared of lice.
At this time, my children were around the ages of 9 and 7. My daughter was learning how to wash her hair by herself which was a chore as she does have thicker hair. She hated having me wash her hair, and I was not too fond of the screaming, so I started just washing her hair every other wash, and I would let her wash her hair by herself in between. However, there were times that she would wash her hair several times in a row as I was exhausted from working and mommying. Sometimes I didn't feel like fighting to wash her hair, so I would just let her do it.
One morning after church, my mother-in-law noticed that both the kids had flakes in their hair. They have had that before from not rinsing out the shampoo well enough. However, this time my mother-in-law was really questioning it, and she called my sister-in-law over to look at the kids' hair. I started having a mini panic attack, and a million things that I would have to do started running through my head. We went to my mother-in-law's house, and my sister-in-law helped me wash and rinse both kids' hair. With my sister-in-law being a veterinarian and seeing lice and fleas on animals, she was the best person to inspect the children. She didn't find anything! I was so happy and relieved.
That next morning, as I was driving to work, I was praying and thanking God for protecting his children and not letting them have lice. Right as I was saying those words, the words, "You are my child too. I was protecting you also." popped into my head.I just started crying. The thought of me being God's child at that moment hadn't even occurred to me. I just wanted Him to protect the children, MY children. I didn't think about Him protecting me also. I started thanking Him for everything and praising him the rest of the way to work and trying not to cry too much before I had to go into work. I am extremely thankful we have a father that loves us and protects us even from the small things that we make out to be huge.
October 2016 (Work)
I was working in the Olathe Medical Center's Physician Billing office. Our coding manager at the time was nearing retirement, and it was obvious she was done with working. There were several questionable things that she was asking the coders to do, and if you questioned anything, she would take it out on you in one way or another. I had always been interested in going back to school to finish my degree, and I was looking into getting an AHIMA certification to open more doors for me. This was what finally led me to do that. At this time, I was working 32 hours a week, with both kids in elementary school. These hours allowed me to take my kids to school and pick them up from school. I decided to cut my hours back and go back to school. I started looking for a more part-time coding position that would allow me to focus more on school without sacrificing time with my family; however, this did make me nervous. One, going back to school was scary, and two, how would we be able to afford it with me cutting back my hours. I was constantly questioning if I was doing the right thing.
I found a PRN coder position opening at Olathe Home Health, so I applied and prayed that God would see it through and that I would receive a call back if it was right for me. I received a call for an interview not long after I applied, so okay...! I was excited and, of course, extremely nervous. I prayed almost continuously after that call that God would be with me during my interview, help me do my best and not be awkward, and that our personalities (mine and the interviewers) would mesh. That we would just hit it off, and that it would be a pleasant, not stressful interview.
I had my interview with the supervisor and the main coder at the time, and I felt it was a good interview. They were very friendly and talkative, and I actually had an enjoyable interview. (Although, at the end of the interview, the main coder took off really fast and I started getting worried that she didn't like me, but I found out later it was because they had just had a major computer crash, and they were all super busy trying to fix that.) The supervisor made it sound like I had the job and she let me know she would be contacting me. The only downside was this job was PRN, and the previous coder only worked 8 hours a week. I needed more hours than that. I was looking for something between 20-25 hours a week but would take as low as 15 hours a week. The manager said she would see what she could do, but that she wasn't sure if she could guarantee it. I was praying and praying for at least 15 hours a week. (I had the song, "Come on Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners stuck in my head. Not sure how I got that in my head, but I kept singing "Come on 15.")
I finally received a call back from the home health manager! She apologized for taking so long to get back to me and explained that they had suffered a computer crash and lost a lot of records. She told me that I could definitely get the hours I wanted at that time because they will have a lot of work available with downtime recovery. She said it will be a huge project and will take a while to get out of this mess, but she wasn't sure if that could be guaranteed long term. She said I would be getting a call from HR. When HR called me, I was expecting this to just be a straight transfer as this was also within the Olathe Medical Services. More money hadn't even crossed my mind. HR called, told me about the position and pay raise as it is considered a higher level of coding. I was kind of in disbelief. I even repeated back to her what she said to make sure I heard her right. I accepted, but I was still super nervous about how this was going to work out. I still didn't have guaranteed hours. Would we be able to afford me cutting back my hours that much AND pay for school?
When I went to tell the head billing department manager that I had accepted another position, she "acted" sad and asked if there was anything she could do to get me to stay. I told her I needed to cut my hours back as I was going back to school, and that the other position was offering a pay raise. She said she could cut my hours, but she didn't think she could get them back as far as I needed. She also said she could try to get me more money, but she didn't want to call and bug HR unless I was staying.
So, dilemma...
Stay in a job I do not like, MAYBE get a pay raise, and try to squeeze school, work, and kids all into my days which would be super stressful. However, this would be guaranteed income for my family.
Take the risk and try something new. I would not work as much but could focus on my school more, which would let me finish faster, and I was told I could get the 15-20 hours I wanted for now while they were cleaning up downtime recovery. This would give me experience in something new, and then I would see where God led me.
I wasn't really expecting a counteroffer by the manager. I kind of thought she would just say, "Okay, sad to see you go, but good luck with your new endeavors." And that would be it. Now, I was confused. What do I do? I wanted to do what was best for my family, and I didn't want to let them down. I left the manager's office and took a break to call my husband. I was expecting him to talk through it with me and help give me an answer. Instead, he just told me that I needed to pray about it, and that he would stand behind whatever decision I made. I was not ready for that answer, and it frustrated me. I wanted him to tell me what I should do, or at the very least we would talk about it as it affects our family. I asked him what he thought was best, and he just told me again that I need to pray about it. I was frustrated. I was already in tears trying to explain the stressful situation. I didn’t want to fail him and our children, and I felt like he wouldn't help me. I hung up the phone, waited a minute for my eyes to not look so red, and then went back to my desk.
When I got back to my desk, I turned my computer back on and grabbed my work. I was feeling very frustrated, and I really did not feel like praying. I was not feeling very Godly at that moment. I propped my arm up and laid my head on my hand to make it look like I was reading records, and I started praying. I think I was even kind of gritting my teeth when I started praying because I was definitely not feeling like praying. I wasn't expecting anything. I wasn’t totally into the prayer. Why would God answer me? I was just doing what I was told to do.
It was only a few minutes (maybe even seconds), but suddenly, I felt like the words came to me. God said, "Trust me. You asked me to be with the application process and for a call back from someone. I did that. You asked for a good interview. I gave you a good interview. I'm even giving you a pay raise. The hours would be no problem for me to get you, but I need you to trust me on something. I can't give it all to you, because I need you to have faith in me and trust me." The tears started coming, and I had to get up and leave and take another break. It caught me off guard, and I was amazed he answered me because I was being a brat not wanting to pray, but I was so thankful He answered. I started praying, apologizing for stressing out so much about it and for not trusting Him. I then went to my manager and told her that I felt like I needed to take this other opportunity and see where it led me. She was not happy with my answer. I told her I appreciate everything she had done for me and was trying to do, but that I prayed about it, and I felt like I had to take this position. She said she was sorry to have me leave, and that she hoped for the best for me. She then didn't talk to me for the rest of my time there, which ended up being four weeks. Even when I passed her in the hall and said Hi, she ignored me, so that confirmed I made the right decision.
I worked between 20-25 hours pretty consistently during my PRN status at Olathe Home Health, and a year later I moved to the part-time position. A year after that, I picked up some more hours and work 30 hours a week, part of that from home. I enjoyed the coding, the learning opportunities I had there, and the people I worked with, and it allowed me to complete my degree while not sacrificing as much time with my children.
November 13, 2019 (Not about you)
Sitting in intense prayer, feeling not good enough for anything, and like I let everyone down, I was asking God why I am so dumb and stupid. I heard God loud and clear in my head say, “This world and this life is not about you. It’s not about what you’ve done or not done. It’s about Me and bringing My people to Me.” Ah, wow. Okay, God. I’m so sorry. I realized how pathetic I sounded and how selfish I was being, focusing on me, but all that matters is God and doing what He wants. This world is about Him. This is all for God’s glory, not ours. I should be keeping my focus on Him and shining my light for Him.
January 11, 2020 (Never let you down)
During worship on this Saturday night service at church, we were singing the song “King of My Heart”. While singing the chorus “You're never gonna let, never gonna let me down”, I heard in my head the words, “I endured the cross and died for you. I’m not gonna let you down.”Tears started rolling down my face. I am so thankful we have an amazing, faithful father, who loves us unconditionally, and He will never let us down. Even when we let ourselves and everyone else around us down, and we do not deserve any of His grace. He still loves us unconditionally and will never leave us nor forsake us.
April 8th, 2020 (Wide awake)
The city had recently started work on the creek behind our house which included taking out all the trees behind our house. On the other side of the creek is an apartment complex, so now our backyard is completely exposed to apartments. We were used to complete privacy from this apartment complex for about 6 months out of the year with the mature trees. We had a swimming pool and sitting area that we could enjoy during the warmer months, but now it is hard to enjoy it when you feel like so many windows are looking right at you. We received very little information regarding this project, and during the removal they also had to remove the fence along the back of the yard. No one came to tell us they were removing the fence, and I am thankful my daughter looked out the window and seen our fence broken before we had let any of our dogs out that morning. I was so upset with this project as we lost all our privacy and had little to no communication on what was going on. I was griping to everyone that would listen. About 1:30 am this Wednesday morning, I woke up and could not go back to sleep. I wasn’t sure why as I am usually one that can go back to sleep very easily. Then out of the blue, I heard in my head, “So when are you going to talk to me about it?” I knew exactly what that meant as the backyard project started running through my head. I started praying and apologizing to God for not taking it to Him. I’m not sure why I hadn’t prayed about the situation. That hadn’t even occurred to me. I was griping to everyone else that would listen, but I forgot to talk to God about any of it. It still stinks. I wish I had my backyard privacy back, but I do feel more at peace after talking with God.
February 2021 (Vegetarian recipes)
While working (reading cardiology charts to code), I had the words, “You should find more vegetarian recipes”pop into my head. It was random and out of the blue, and I’m unsure why I was told that. I don’t feel it was for health reasons, but I could be completely wrong. I get bad migraines, and one thing that always seems to help is eating red meat, so becoming a vegetarian has never crossed my mind. I’ve even feared the Lone Star tick, because I am unsure what I would do for migraines if I was allergic to red meat. So, could this have been for health? Could this be for cost reasons, or will meat be harder to find or get? I am still unsure what it meant, but right after I heard that, I felt this hunger to learn more about being better prepared for anything. I have worked on trying to find more vegetarian recipes and in doing so, it led me to learn how to properly store food so it will last, start my extended pantry, and how to make and store pantry meal kits. It also led me to learn alternatives for other things such as if our electricity was ever out for a time, which already came in handy during the summer of 2022. We had our electricity cut off for most of the day during one of the hottest days of the year. I think this was from an overload that our electric company suffered, which caused power outages for a pretty wide area. We had bought a small portable power station not long before this for just that reason, and I’m glad we did. I was able to use that to charge my laptop and power the Wi-Fi so I could continue working without having to go into the office or make up hours later.
April 9, 2025 (Forgiveness)
I started a Bible study with a friend of mine through the YouVersion Bible App. My friend has been struggling a lot with forgiveness lately, and she asked if I would do a study with her on that. I was excited to do the study, but I really didn’t think I had a whole lot I needed to forgive. Maybe there was something there with parents, but I couldn’t think of anything else; however, I was happy to do the study with her. The very first reading we did, the words, “I forgave you. I need you to forgive yourself” popped in my head. It took me by surprise. Where did that come from? I then realized I have been beating myself up a lot lately. I had always thought I was strong, but I realized I was not as strong as I thought I was, which is something I hated about myself. God is my strong tower. I am super thankful for God and my family, and I don’t want to let any of them down. Thank you, Jesus, for never leaving me nor forsaking me. Thank you for always pursuing me even when I’m stupid. Thank you for all the blessings you’ve surrounded me with. Thank you for forgiving me. Please help me to receive your forgiveness and be able to forgive myself so I can be a light in the world for you.
September 10, 2025 (“Praise Me”)
I was in disbelief and feeling devastated and great sorrow after hearing about Charlie Kirk being assassinated. I was praying what was probably a selfish prayer all afternoon for God to heal Charlie Kirk’s body, and to not take him from us because our children and country needed him, and to not let him die by the hand of evil. It felt like I had a lemon/lime size stone in my stomach all afternoon, and it was making me feel extremely nauseous.
As I was getting ready for our Bible study class that we had scheduled that evening, in my spirit, I just asked “Why, God”. I was asking why this happened, why did He have to take Charlie from us and our kids, and why did I feel like this hit me so hard making me feel the way I was. As soon as I finished saying “Why, God”, I immediately heard in my spirit, “Don’t let evil win. Rejoice in me.” I immediately remembered when He corrected me when I was having an extremely hard time getting past the story of a young boy that was killed. I don’t want to give the devil any satisfaction for making me feel a certain way. The devil did not win. The devil will never win. We are God’s, and I will continue to praise and give glory to God in any situation.
February 25, 2026 (Best Mom)
I am always hard on myself. I don’t feel like I measure up to anything, and I constantly worry that I fail my family. I am not sure how or why God blessed me so much with an amazing family and life. On this Wednesday evening, we had just got home from Bible Study and was getting ready for bed. I was washing my face and just thanking God for the amazing children He blessed us with. I wasn’t even finished with my thought, when the words, “You are the best mom for them” popped into my head. That just about made me cry, to think God chose me specifically, out of everyone in the world, to be their mom. That made me feel even more blessed.
April 4, 2026 (Bible)
During our Saturday evening Easter service, the message focused on laying our burdens at the foot of the cross and resisting the urge to pick them back up again. As I was praying about that, I asked God why I so often return to the very things I’ve surrendered, and how I can truly leave them with Him. In that moment, I had a brief but vivid picture of my Bible flash in my mind. It was quick, yet unmistakable. I understood it as His gentle reminder that staying rooted in His Word is what will help me release those burdens and fully walk away from them.
How do you know it’s God speaking?
For me, I feel it’s God when His words completely humble me. It’s a sensation that brings me to my knees, yet at the same time, I feel a giant, comforting, loving sensation surrounding me. This sounds weird, but it’s like feeling like you’ve just been wrapped lovingly in the cleanest, softest blanket, even at the same time when he might be correcting you. AND His words always align with the Bible.
When I hear God’s voice in my head or in my spirit, I hear all the words at once. It’s like all the words are just dumped into my head at one time. Too fast for my brain to have even thought a thought like that. I know God’s timing is different than ours, and a conversation with Him doesn’t run like a normal conversation we would have. Well, not on His end. Sometimes, I wonder how He is so patient in waiting for my slow brain to comprehend and respond. It takes my slow brain time to catch up. It’s kind of like when you read a line or paragraph. You see all the words are there, but it takes you time to read and comprehend each word. I feel like all the words are instantly dumped into my head, and my brain knows they are all there, but then it takes me time to comprehend each word and understand what was just poofed into my head. That’s how I know if it is God spoken or my thought. My brain could not think of something like that or all those words that fast.
Audible is different. When I hear the words out loud (like in my dream when I fell in the hole, or at the front door when I was told to knock it off, or in the living room, praying about my kids' schooling), I hear those words one at a time, like a normal conversation. I wonder if that could be angels speaking, or maybe my ears just hear slower. I don’t know. But when God speaks the words in my head or spirit, there is no time for me to even think all of that at once. It’s just poof, the words are instantly there that I have to decipher, comprehend, and answer. When I answer, I don’t even have time to finish because God already knows my thoughts, and he is dumping more words into my head for me to comprehend. It feels intense and amazing all at once. Even when He is humbling you and letting you know you were being selfish or not smart, He still makes you feel loved unconditionally.